Last Wednesday I went into work for one hour, just to get my laptop on line and make sure all was OK with my environment there. Next day I went in for 3 hours in the morning, but was really stuffed by midday, I expected that, but my time at work was good. It felt really good to be getting back to normal.
On Friday ( a public holiday here) we went to Glentunnel and spend the weekend in the caravan. It went OK, but weather on Saturday was cold and wet and it got to me a bit, we did have lots of rest though. Today we brought the caravan back, we will tidy it up and get a bit of maintenance done on it and then sell it. Realistically the very large caravan plus heavy duty utility in front is a bit much for us to handle now and we want to be prepared for a worse case scenario where I may go downhill again quite soon (very unlikely).
I must say that I have got a bit uneasy over the past couple of months at the number of well known (to me) people who have been diagnosed with colo-rectal cancer, or who have died from cancer (mostly colon cancer). Going back to work only added to this unease as the building we work in has a new front tenant, Vodafone has moved out and The Cancer Society of New Zealand is moving in. While I can ignore these "signals", it is a concern that New Zealand has the highest rate on colon cancer in the world, and the Canterbury region has the highest rate of colon cancer of any province in New Zealand (Christchurch is Canterbury's home city)
In terms of the decision in 10 days, about next stage treatment and/or monitoring, from a logical perspective chemotherapy would statistically not contribute to my desire of as many good quality days in life - it would almost certainly only extend life or non-recurrence by a few months, while potentially causing more damage to me.
From a non-logical perspective, most days now I have a period of time, gradually increasing and now a bit more than an hour a day, when I feel really good and fit, in a way that I have not had for near than 2
years, before I had my first liver resection. That suggests my body and mind is telling me that they are making me better and I should just continue as I am at the moment, with no more intervention. The
only problem with a decision based on such an apparently illogical approach is that it may be a cop out, my gut feeling is that I don't want any more chemo or surgery and just want to focus on my Life.
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