How I Really Feel

From feedback to my last post, it is clear that it was not seen as a very positive one.  Bear in mind that the whole point of this blog is to record my journey for my records and to give others who go down this path an idea of what to expect.

Since the visit to the oncologist we have decided to take a break from cancer for two months (until my next blood test).  This is actually not hard to do as we are in the process of selling our house, I am not actually affected by any cancer and I have challenging work to do at my place of work.

The great majority of the time I feel great, both within me and with life.  I am in a pretty good place, possibly better than many others, and surrounded by very supportive people.  The only time I feel a bit down is when I am frustrated from lack of energy, however I think I am learning how to deal with that, it may also be getting better.

Finally, I have real proof that I have many more years of life left.  Recently I have got very interested in a red Porsche.  If that is not a diagnosis of a mid-life crisis I don't know what would be, so I still have around half of my life to run.

All Normal

Teresa and I met with the oncologist today, for my scheduled check up.  Prior to going I updated my "symptoms". 

Current status:

• Short of breath after moderate exercise - Still there, but way better
• Blue lips fairly frequently - Still noticeable, but I am doing more activity
• Chest pains - Rare now
• Fatigue - A real issue.  One hard day of work stuffs me for 2 days, need to take a break after lunch most days to keep functioning
• Joint Pains - Not noticeable
• Not able to concentrate and cannot multi-task at all - Still a real issue.  I have to be very careful and aware when driving etc.
• Fingers and toes numb - Fingers 70% better, toes/feet about the same.  Cold makes it worse
• Sometimes abdominal tenderness - No longer there.

I was not actually seen by the oncologist, but by one of his medical doctors.  She reviewed my case and current situation.  My head MRI shows no suspect tumours, and my CEA is 1.5, which she considered normal.  Normal next step is a checkup and further CEA test in 3 months, it could be done at the oncology unit, I said I felt it best for my GP to do it, she was quite happy with that.

So all normal, and apparently good - but I don't think so.

There has always been a 65% chance the cancer would reoccur after surgery, so normal is reoccurence.  My CEA, while in the normal range has crept up for the 3rd time.  The CEA result is closely following the previous levels after my earlier liver surgery, only difference is that this time it did not drop to my normal level of 0.8.

Most likely in 3 months my CEA will be significantly up, in 6 months from now the medical team will be looking at some form of intervention, likely chemo.  At this stage it looks like I have 6 months of good living left, before we have to confront some hard decisions again.

This may not sound so good, but it is the normal progression for someone with my cancer.  Unfortunately my cancer looks to have mutated (as normal in about 50% of cases) to one which is hard to knock out with surgery and chemo won't kill it.

At the moment I don't feel great about the situation, but I know I will get over it.